9.13.09

Lalala. I guess this is a serious post.
Hmm, I don't know who I am anymore. Ever since I stopped reading the bible regularly, it's being really wierd. And after everything that happened this summer, it's been even weirder. It's like I don't know who I am anymore. I used to be a nice kid, who didn't really get upset, and even my parents thought I wasn't really acting like a normal, hormonal teenager. But ever since I sort of threw God out of my life, I've become someone different. I get angry really easily, I take it out on people I love, it's hard for me to keep perspective, I threw my phone out of angst, and it broke, but that's okay, IDK anymore. And it's not like I can just pick up where I left off. I have serious questions that need serious answers. I can't just keep praying and etc etc without knowing why. Honestly, I'd rather just stay home on sundays and do homework rather than go to church where I don't pay attention anyways. I'm just there. I don't feel connected with God, I question myself, and everything all the time... and this is just stupid. I don't understand why this happened. I guess I'm just comming to terms with it now. Like I've just been denying it for as long as I could. It's not like I'm breaking the law, and lashing out, but still, I know I'm changing inside, how I think, and process things now. I need to start with the bible, and pray for God to pacify my heart, but I don't know if that'll work anymore since I'm just going through the motions, or whatever. It's hard to explain, and this keyboard is suckish so I don't really want to type much more. I dunno what else to say.