12.02.09* thanks Joe.

URGLE, today was pretty stressful,
I woke up at 8:30, took a shower, and waited for my parents to come home to drive me to a friends house to film an english project, 8:50 rolls by, no one calls, no one answers their phones, so I head out. Being the 'tard I am, I headed out in freezing temps with a think long sleeve, and black shorts, that are from gym class. I ended up getting there at 9:20, and finished at 1:26, and audurous, yet productive 4 hours... I hope I get a good grade, my english grade is teetering as it is, and this project will help it immensely <-- wierd word, and an even wierder spelling. Anyways, I was kinda proud today ^__^ which is bad TT___TT;; Uhm, my parent's weren't pick up their phones when they knew I needed them. That's a huge pet peeve for me. But then I kinda just sat down in my bed, in a state of undress, because I just stepped out from the shower, and thought, HMM, I should relax, and examine this without emotion. So I just went through the motions, there could have been this or that, that effected this or that. So I just ended up going to mapquest, looking it up, finiding it was only a mile away, and walking! I'm glad I didn't go on some crazy rant cursing my parents because they weren't there for me. I believe that I'm getting better, slowly but surely at controlling myself? Or atleast my human tendencies. Hmm, I prayed for shalom on mondays, I had to swap my scheduel it goes like this
Mondays: Shalom
Tuesdays: Joe
Wednesdays: Aaron/Andy
Thursday: Angi
Friday: Me
Sat/Sun: For my school friends, and for the upcomming week.
It's like a wheel I guess, but it's a good way for me to keep track I guess... But I'm still feeling blergh. Yeah, I'm sick, I have a massive migrane, I put on a face for my mom.. Same thing. But even after I talked to Joe, there was no like "whoa! I know now, Like there was no epiphany, there was no lightbulb" which was what joe told me wasn't going to change my life, but rather the Dependance on God, but like, shalom showed me this book entitled come be my light which are a collection of letters she (Mother Teresa) wrote to the catholic church officials when she was in this spiritual drought many of us come to know, hate, and struggle through. Although it gave me a new perspective, like, that we are seeing somewhat of a glimpse of what Jesus might have felt, like this loneliness is almost humbling, in a sense, but I don't feel that strongly. it's like there's a famine in my soul, but Mother Teresa's soul was like, the entire world, which had gotten too close to the sun and everything desintegrated. I'm pretty bleh. I know what I should/have to do, I have the tools, but do I have the will? Joe told me something great, that my flesh desires to do evil, but the Holy Spirit inside me is the One who does good, so my prayer request, for anyone who reads, is that the Holy Spirit can crush my evil flesh's tendencies, and do this through an increasing dependance on God and a decreasing dependance on my secular knowledge/habits.
TTYL, I guess... I might update it soon, there's no telling, it's an early post.
Shalom: I haven't started in your journal x___x~